MELINDA MUSING || SHOCKED

Tripping through the stages

Photo by Fleur on Unsplash

Culture shock.

A fancy word for homesickness.

When one transitions to another type of life, anxiety sets in. Snarkiness takes root. The disorientation of a new country can lead to the worst in an ex-pat’s otherwise pleasant personality.

Treatments for the condition are time, experiences, and mindfulness activities.

Let’s look at ex-pats tripping through the stages.

1. The bliss of infatuation

The difference between being a tourist and being a resident is that tourists stay in the first stage of culture shock and never leave it. It’s the bliss of infatuation, the honeymoon stage.

Who doesn't love a honeymoon? The dopamine hits when you land in a new country. Everything smells new. Everything exudes adventure. The food, the people, the buildings, the mountains, the sea.

Ingrid and I try to hide our smirks as new residents revel in situations that we now barely take note of. Like a short conversation on the beach in Spanish. Or the opening of a new restaurant.

When you stay long enough the newness wears off. The resident stays. The tourist plans the next vacay to a different country.

2. Plain old homesickness

If the ex-pat stays long enough, the bliss of infatuation gives way to old-fashioned homesickness. Bouts of depression mark the next stage often referred to as the frustration stage.

I started to feel helpless at so many mundane things;

Why can’t the waiters come over without being flagged down?

Why does the ATM run out of money all the time?

Why can’t anyone understand my Spanish?

Why won’t they feed their dogs?

How can the garbage everywhere not bother them?

Something’s gotta give. Luckily, something does. Keep reading.

3. No pasa nada

In the next stage resolution sets in. Compromise in one’s brain. Everything before that led to anxiety and frustration now evokes ¨no pasa nada¨.

It’s okay.

I can see that I have shifted when I meet other ex-pats that are squarely in the frustration/homesickness phase. I say silently to them “let go”; you will not change the Panamanians, but you yourself will change.

Laidbackness marks the Latino culture. Things take a while, and when you lean into it, it can be so relaxing. It is not up to me to fix how they do anything; it is up to me to adjust to their way of doing things.

I need to leave if I want it to be a different way. So, instead, I let it go.

If the ATM does not work, I will try the next time in town. As no one cares if there’s garbage around, I avert my eyes.

And sometimes, the feeling that manana is soon enough can work in our favor. Our garbage bill was nine months in arrears and no one cared. No one quit picking up our garbage every Friday.

They did shut off our electricity though. More than once. Now we know that three months in arrears on “luz” is the limit.

Navigation becomes easier for everyone as new friends and communities of support is established.

Just keep tripping through the stages.

4. Finally, Peace.

A complete understanding of the Latino culture isn’t necessary to function and thrive in Panama. During the last stage, the acceptance stage, ex-pats draw together the resources they need to feel at ease. The ex-pat realizes that the way the locals do it may never make sense. But it is how it is, which, to me, is fine and dandy.

So to maintain that peace there are some things Ingrid and I avoid. That’s not necessarily a good thing. Yet we do it.

As health nuts, we avoid local restaurants.

As fans of minimalism, we don’t drive to Boquete or David for every American item missing from our refrigerator.

We relax more. We know in time the new ex-pats will relax more too. And we know that in time they'll learn as we did to eventually re-navigate.

Reframe it.

Take the good and leave the bad.

I no longer feel the need to stress or worry as much. This stage is critical not to drive yourself bonkers when you live abroad, anywhere. It is the stage of true bliss and enjoyment to witness yourself in moments of peace and serenity — the actual acceptance of yourself and the ability to change and adapt to any situation.

REIMAGINED READS || Many book bloggers will recommend the latest, traditionally published, overpriced book read. Let’s look at some deals instead. Only $4.99 on Amazon Kindle!

Fallen Stones: Chasing butterflies, discovering Mayan Secrets, and Looking for Hope Along the Way, by Diana Marcum, is a memoir I found this book while perusing a “book club” on Amazon promoting travel literature. Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Diana Marcum adds her trademark emotional and academic intelligence to her latest book about a world-renowned butterfly farm in Belize.

Atop a hill in the rainforest of Belize, next to the ruins of a fallen civilization, this butterfly farm raises the brilliant blue morpho, which we’ve seen often here in Panama!

What starts as the worst vacation ever turns into a quest to learn more about the first-of-its-kind farm. while there Markum weathers Hurricane NaNa and the COVID pandemic.

This warm, funny tale of finding a way forward when the world seems to be falling apart is filled with the beauty of the natural world and a heartfelt cry to protect it.

WORD AMULET || Many email lists will give you an unusual word a day to grow your vocabulary. Usually, it’s some obscure, unheralded word that no one else will know, thereby decreasing communication. Instead, let’s promote the use of rich words we do know, thereby enhancing our conversations and not stagnating them.

Oasis || Some of my favored words tucked in my amulet sport a similar quality. Words that promote tranquility. Words that I’ve highlighted before, like “sanctuary”. Oasis brings forth to me a similar feeling as the word sanctuary. Specifically, an oasis is A fertile or green area in a desert or wasteland, made so by the presence of water. It originally referred to an oasis found only in Libya. Now, any spring of life in a barren land will do.

Now, any situation or place preserved from surrounding unpleasantness can be your oasis. The ocean here is one of mine.